4 Years On

It's coming onto the 4th anniversary of Doomsday.  The day that ended my old life.  A lot has happened over the last 4 years and would like to go over all the improvements that have happened, as well as some of the things I need to improve on.

It's said that it takes 4 years to get over trauma and there are feelings associated.  The first year is about getting back to functional.  I don't remember much about that first year because it was just hazy days of gray.  I remember the 2 worst days and the day of the incident.  None of which, I wish, to rehash.  The second year is dealing with anger because there is a lot of blame and self blame.  I know that what happened was not my fault. The anger was the reason I lost my old crappy job, which was for the best.  The third year, you're mostly sad.  For me, the sadness would go away and come back.  I think the major source of the sadness dissipating is that I found a really wonderful partner.  Year 4 is about feeling better and starting to move on, which is the stage I'm at.  Year 5 is pretty much recovery.

I have been off the anti-depressants for a year.  I feel mostly stable off them.  My major triggers now are my job, since I'm overqualified and underpaid and my financial situation for the above listed reason.  As I was recovering, I was focusing more on that instead of my career that I got two degrees for.  I am now slowly working towards a career instead of going from underpaying job to underpaying job.  With that goal in mind, I can start chipping away at the debt mountain that happened because of the trauma care (it's at least $1000 on one credit card).  Sometimes I miss Rose, but it is only occasionally.

I still have things to work on.  I am still working on getting my weight down  (7lbs down in 9 months) to a happy level, which for me would be 175lbs.  While I am changing my diet, I also need to exercise and stretch more.  Since I keep re-injuring my ankle, I think I am stuck with light exercises like walking or swimming.  I would like to be a size 12.  I'd still be curvy, but not as jiggly.  I gained a lot of weight because of the trauma.  Barely being able to move will add to the waistline. 

I am quite happy with the fact that I am becoming more social and getting involved with the communities that I belong to.  I hope to be able to see my friends more an accomplish more of my goals.  I will be going to Israel this year and taking a balloon ride. I'm hoping to pay off 1 credit card this year.  I am making plans for the future with my partner.  We don't have a conventional relationship, but I'm not a conventional person.  We support each other and make each other happy.

This year seems to be full of potential changes.  Things are looking up and for the better.  I'm actually looking forward to the future.