My 32nd birthday is coming up in 2 weeks and I usually have a birthday party of some kind for it. I know that some people think birthday parties are for kids or that it's selfish to have one at this age, but I have it for 2 reasons. The first is that it is a way to see many of my friends, whom, due to adult responsibilities, I don't see too often. The second is that I still can because there was a dark time where I might not have been able to have anymore birthdays. I have a friend who will no longer have anymore birthdays and that weighs on me.
I want to focus more on the second reason. I went through a very dark time and didn't think that I would make it out alive. My life was broken, I lost people and I wanted to give up. Luckily for me, I had a few very special people that were there for me and continue to be there for me. So, I still celebrate my birthday because I'm still here to have one. I don't care if I get presents, but I do appreciate them. Having the party to appreciate my friends and my life is the reward.
In July, I attended a birthday party for my friend at a bar. I had fun and had great food. She seemed very happy and grateful that people came. I didn't have any money to get her a present, but was glad that I went. It was in July, but the night was a bit chilly. I remember having to wear my boyfriend's jacket. Three months later, my friend died. How is not important. What is important is that she will not have anymore birthdays. She was 37 and we related to each other a lot. Not just because we are both Jewish, but we also had some mental health issues. She would basically celebrate her birthday for an entire month...now no more birthdays.
So, I will have a party for mine. I invite all my friends that are in the area and some that aren't. I reach out because being here and alive is still important to me. This party will be small because it's 9 days before Christmas, so work holiday parties and family obligations take up time. I will have a good time though. We'll have some drinks, eat some food and play some games.
I'm still alive , so that's why I still have birthday parties.
