First Snow, First Frustration

We had the first snow storm of the winter.  It wasn't too terrible as I was at work.  I was able to get some projects worked on as many people stayed home.  Driving home from work was not fun at all.  However, I survived it by staying calm and driving slow to keep myself safe.  The Downside of a snow storm, which causes cancellations is that I have too much time to think.

While I get stronger everyday emotionally from my trauma, I still have some minor setbacks and symptoms.  I am still insecure about relationships.  Aside from my family who is stuck with me, I know that any type of relationship can end in an instant.  Sometimes I don't understand why people are distant.  Logically, I understand that people are busy with work/school and other obligations.  Emotionally, I think, the depression makes me believe that I am being ignored and that I'm unwanted.

I do need the communication.  The logical and emotional parts of my brain, my soul are not jiving.  What I know and what I feel are still two different things.  I like that guy that I'm seeing now.  He is kind, nerdy and weird.  I do like him a lot. Part of it is still me and Rose.  I'm unsure of my companion because we are still learning about each other.  At this stage, I need reassurance.  I need to know that someone is in it with me. 

I miss my friends.  A lot of them are getting engaged, married, buying houses and having families.  I think I might be the only one who thinks that friendship is still important.  I don't see my friends as much as I would like to.  Part of that is scheduling and part of that is me being a bit distant.  This goal is going to be the hardest goal to achieve.

On a side note, my brother is getting married.  I have been thinking about what I would do for my own wedding.  I know that a song I would choose for either the father-daughter dance or the bride and groom's first dance would be, "As the World Falls Down" by David Bowie.  Probably due to the lyrics and the fact that it takes place in the ballroom masque dream in Labyrinth.  I miss David Bowie.