Setback

Setbacks are entirely possible while recovering.  This was a bad one.  When it rains it pours is the cliche and time has a way of fucking one over.

I was finally getting to the point of stability.  I was working on getting better through medication, the wellness plan and therapy.  I was starting to overcome the incident and was hoping to eventually repair the damage that it caused to a relationship that I valued, but that is not to be.  I got a message from him today that he was deleting everyone from work because his boss was surfing Facebook.  He has his own issues and this is just paranoia, which is a psychotic symptom.  He's not in his right mind and yet I have to be the one to suffer more.  I couldn't even go back to work after that.  I just laid on the floor and cried.

I'm devastated.  I know that people need to feel safe, but that betrayal was so much worse than mine.  Was everything he said to me a lie?  Is caring even worth it?  I feel like I will never be ab le to open up again. Why did he even bother staying only to leave two months later?  Leave when I'm finally getting better?

It feels like I always get kicked back down.  I feel like this is a horrible set back because it makes me feel like I was stupid to hope and be optimistic about healing a relationship.

My therapist said not to take it personally as he has his own issues.  That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt any less or that my heart isn't broken.  I just have more questions than answers.

I am still doing what I have to do, but I just feel like I'm a mess right now.