Sometimes

When I look at Facebook and see everyone's posts about engagements/marriages/children, I sometimes think that there is something wrong with me.  It would be nice to have a husband or partner, but I don't think that is going to happen and children are also highly unlikely.  It's not because of my mental illness either.

Plenty of people with mental illnesses have spouses and children, but I don't think I need them to be complete.  It is probably a wonderful thing to feel loved, but it's not something I am actively seeking because I don't think I could love anyone more than Freddie.  If I find someone awesome, if not, it won't ruin my life.

As for children, I find the sonogram pictures that get posted creepy.  I don't need to see your tiny human, who looks more like a sea monkey before it's born.  I know that you are excited and nervous to become a parent, but the whole world does not need to see a sonogram because they ALL look the same.

I don't think I'd be a good parent.  Being empathic and not having patience, is a bad combination in raising a child.  Kids purposely do things to test you.  Since my depression's main system is irritation, I don't think it would be good for a child.  Also because of my thyroid condition, having a child of my own is not going to be the easiest thing.  Not impossible, but not easy.

I also feel like the normal thing to do is get married, buy a house, have a child, work and maybe have enough for retirement.  I've never been normal.  I want to help make this world a better place because right now it's kind of awful.  I would not want to bring someone new into this hellhole no matter how much I loved them or wanted them.  All of this is because I don't want anyone to suffer that way that I do, yet I know millions of people around the world do.

I just don't feel compelled to want the things that others want.  Not that I am not happy for my friends, but marriage and children do not seem to be in the cards for me.