Experiments

My parents are moving to Israel on Tuesday.  It's going to be interesting for them and me because it will truly be the first time that I am on my own.  I have an apartment, insurance, a job and food.  I am experimenting with cooking because I wanted another creative outlet that is also functional. 

Luckily, my parents have left me certain foods so that I can eat and not starve.  They also got me pork chops and steak which I froze so that I will be able to make amazing meals.  There will be lots of stew.  I also want to be able to create color in my meals since everything my mother cooks somehow comes out in shades of brown.  I love making food that will taste good because food can bring joy to people.

I tried to make waffle falafel with my mother, but it didn't turn out quite right.  Since she dislikes cilantro, it didn't turn out quite right.  They looked right, but tasted different.  It might be due to the fact that they weren't fried and my waffle iron is actually a panini maker with waffle slides. I don't have that innate knowledge of food and have a great palate.  I think cooking for myself will give me an opportunity to eat healthy.

The other thing that I will be experimenting with is downsizing.  I do have a lot of stuff.  True most of it comes from books., but I have way too much stuff.  I am going to get rid of things that my parents left because I don't really need it.  I do need to declutter my life.  It may also help to ease my depression. 

Work is a little bit better.  I have this inclination to connect to people, but because of what happened at the bank, I am afraid.  I am hiding a lot of who I am because I know that I will be judged as weak or crazy.  I know that I am a bit different.  It's not in a bad way, but I always feel a bit misunderstood.  I think my loneliness shows through at times. 

Despite my differences I want to belong somewhere.  I guess I just haven't found that yet.