Finally Winter

It's starting to feel like winter finally.  The only downside is that I'm going to be cold all the time for the next 3 months.  There are some things that I enjoy about the winter.  I love having hot chocolate curled up on the coach, sweaters and super hot showers.  I also love wrapping up in scarves since I have so many.

When I was little, I loved winter and the snow.  Not just because school would be closed, but because I genuinely loved it.  Then I got sick.  One of the main symptoms for Hashimoto's for me aside from the lack of energy and depression is sensitivity to cold.  I think for the first year, I only went outside if I had to.

Now that I'm an "adult," (I don't think I'm an adult because I rarely act like one) winter is mostly just a pain.  Especially the snow because my job doesn't close if it snows.  I don't think many people will be out in the snow, but those that are cannot drive.  I know that my car is not good in the snow, so I will avoid driving.  I'm hoping that this year is not bad.

I'm looking forward to the winter this year.  I still don't enjoy the cold, but I think it will be fine.  I will just bundle up and enjoy my time being curled up in blankets.

Birthday Weekend

I had a great birthday weekend.  Saturday, I had visitors and gifts, while Sunday was another day of gifts, visitors and good food.  I think I accomplished something today that is something that most people dread:  I ate alone at a restaurant.  It was fine.

On my birthday, I worked a 12 hour shift, but Kyle wished me a happy birthday, which means he reads his texts.  He rarely answers them.  I then took a lovely bath to soothe my aching muscles and went to to bed.  Saturday was going to be a big day for me.

Saturday was the day of my big bash.  This was the first one without my parents being around to help out.  It was kind of hectic.  I got up to go to the store to get the potatoes for the latkes. Those are potato pancakes for the non Jews.  I did a quick run to UK Gourmet to get some food for my Christmas eve dinner.  That will be sausage rolls and chocolate. Yummy.

I, then ran home to start cleaning up for my guests.  A friend that could not attend came for a visit.  She is going to school and still works at the bank part time.  Apparently one of my accusers is getting a divorce.  Maybe she is getting what she deserves.  Also the roof of the building caved in.  Karma, that's all I have to say.  My friend also told me that Rose, my beautiful Rose, is miserable.  That place is a vortex of misery.  He deserves so much better.

The party was a great success, I think.  I didn't really do well with the latkes, but it was the first time I made them.  I got drunk, which was not my intention at all.  I just got caught up in the moment I suppose.  I think it was just nice for me to be around my friends.  I received several gift cards and a few daleks.  A few Doctor Who Accessories too.

Sunday was my birthday dinner.  I went to the Putnam House in Bethel.  It has yummy food.  I had a glass of chardonnay and coke to drink.  I had crab dip with toast points for an appetizer.  It was made for 2 people, so I had half and then had the rest for dinner the next day.  I then had what I wanted the most, salmon.  I had salmon lucey, which is salmon topped with asparagus, crab,and artichokes.  It had a side of mashed potatoes and vegetables.  I ate it all.  I was too full for dessert, so I didn't have any.  I ate dinner alone, but that gave me time to savor the food.

I had a great birthday weekend for being 540 or 29.  I'm glad that I got to spend it with people that I cared about.  Oh and my dad sang happy birthday to me through whatsapp.

What Makes Me Happy

I've been working on this post for a few days now.  Sometimes it's difficult to remember what makes me happy when it seems that nothing in my life is stable.  They are in no particular order, but it is good to have them written down .

1) Friends
    I don't get to see them as often as I'd like because of conflicting schedules, children, life, etc, but my friends mean the world to me.  We laugh together.  We support each other and we have fun.  I know that I'm not a great friend most of the time because of my various health issues, but you are all valued nonetheless.

2) Books
    Best weapons in the world according to the Doctor.   I try to read 3 books a month.  I am a slow reader because I like painting the picture in my mind.  I love to read and it helps me fall asleep at night. I just got the last book in the All Souls Trilogy by Deborah Harkness, The Book of Life.  Thanks to one of my students for giving me a gift card. Books can take you to a thousand different places with a nice blanket and a cup of tea.

3) Tea
     Tea is delicious and one of the most popular beverages in the world.  There is nothing better than a good cuppa with biscuits.   There are so many different types for so many different occasions that I have never run out.  The best part is that I can use my vintage tea cups. 

4) Movies
    I've always found movies magical.  I loved the whole cinema experience.  Since I am poor right now, I miss it, as I cannot afford it.  I was in fine film society at Bristol where I got to see an amazing range of movies from classics like Mr. Smith Goes to Washington to more cult favorites like Man hunter.  Right now I am taking movies out of the library, so that I can still see movies.  Right now I'm watching Mandela Long Walk to Freedom.  Movies like books can transport you somewhere else for a few hours.

5) Food
    I have a contentious relationship with food as I don't make the best choices when it comes to what I put in my mouth.  However, a well balanced dinner of fish, vegetables, potatoes and salad makes me feel great.  It's rare that I can get that nowadays, but I savor it when I do.  Learning how to cook also brings me joy.

6) Doctor Who
     Does it need saying?  It saved my life.  I will be writing another post on the only 5 episodes you need to see as to why this show is so enduring and popular.

7) London
    I am an anglophile.  However, I have never felt so focused and peaceful as when I was living in London.  You can just feel the history when you're there.  There are so many places to explore.  You could be there for a lifetime and not see everything.  There is no place like it.  I was truly happy there.  I wear a chain around my wrist that I got at the Tower of London.  I have worn it everyday for 9 years.

8) Candles
    Candles are now more of a decoration or to set ambiance instead of a necessity for light.  I love them for the scent and for the way they look.  Since I am a historian, candles are an echo of the past.  They are useful in stopping the bathroom mirror from fogging up because of its heat.  They also bring me a sense of calm and peace.

9) Perfume/Soap/Bubble Bath
    I put all these in one category because they are things that involve scent.  Scent is the strongest tie to memory.  My favorite is violet.  I feel in love with violets because of Lush and I've dug around for it ever since.  Bubble baths help me relax at the end of the day.  I suppose they all tie into aroma therapy.  It's also something personal that is just for me.  That is why they make me happy.

10) Finally, Making Others Happy
      Working on Pile of Good Things has made me realize how much pain people are in.  I am overly generous during the holidays and towards my friends.  I'm the person that gets something just because it reminds me of them.  Making someone smile is one of the greatest gifts in the world.  Being able to take away the internal anguish for a moment or bring their silent blight into the light of the world is something that will always make me glad that I'm here.

I hope everyone can make a list of 10 things that brings them happiness.  In a world of so much tragedy and senselessness, there can be thing that bring joy.

Finding Balance

One of the amazing benefits that my job provides is wellness rewards in association with Web MD.  I can talk to a health coach and keep track of things like my mood and my weight.  I'm looking forward to find a balance in my life.  Part of that balance is treating myself well.  At the bank I felt like crap all the time because the atmosphere was oppressive.  At the pharmacy, I feel like I will get backed up and receive the help and training.  Also, I get much better benefits.

I know that I eat way too much sugar.  I love chocolate and it is helping to relieve symptoms from my the fibroid I have.  Since I have a deductible with my health insurance, I'm trying not to to hit it all at once.  The good thing is that my company contributes $250 every quarter so at least it's helping to not totally bankrupt me.

I'm trying to remanage my finances, but that might take a few months to get back on track since my car needed some heft repairs this past week.  The worst part is that I am picking up more shifts to help pay for this mess.  My poor knees are going to kill me.

I'm hoping to join a gym because I have been making time on my trail to get there and work out.  I've been doing some of the weight machines as well as the stationary bike.  Exercising really helps to improve my mood too.  Today is helped stretch out my knees.  Maybe I will be able to lose a few pounds to take the pressure my lower body.  Being this overweight is causing some difficulties, but I am working on healing myself.

The most difficult part for me still is socialization.  I feel decent at work because I'm around people.  At my apartment I am by myself, so I have the TV on with movies and/or tv shows so that way there is noise.  On days that I don't go out, I sometimes don't talk at all.  It's difficult for some of my friends because they have kids or a significant other, etc.  I have none of that.  Right now, it's just me and I'm doing the best I can.  I just miss having someone to talk to, to share my life with, even if it is only talking.

I'm working on the balancing act, but it's not quite there yet.

Some Days

Occasionally, there are those perfect days.  Not because anything particularly special happened or that you met the person you're going to marry.  Days like this can be regular, boring, doing errands days.  That's what today was for me.  I think the major exception to it was that I spent time with people that knew me.

It started by running an errand at the bank by doing an international wire transfer to my parents.  That was an easy and pleasant experience at BoA.  I then went to see my APRN, got a good report because I am doing well even if I am struggling a bit.  I got some new scripts too, which are basically just refills.  However, I felt amazing that I can talk to someone as an equal.

I felt good as I did some light grocery shopping afterwards, where I got a large skirt steak on sale.  I love Aldi's for that reason because every once in a while, there are things there that are amazing and rather inexpensive.  I can't wait to look up recipes on how to cook it.  I enjoy learning how to cook.  I feel accomplished when I get it right.

I want to make delicious semi good things for myself. I'm trying to get better, which means eating better, exercising and trying to get enough sleep.   Coming back from such an awful thing like the whole ordeal at the bank is tough, but I intend to do so.  It might get a bit squiffy in the middle, but they will just be a small little footnote in my story.  I smile about that quite often.

Since I was feeling good, I was able to clean my apartment a bit because my partner and future roommate was coming over to hang out.  He's like me in a way.  He's lonely, suffers from depression, but is an amazing person underneath all the damage.  I made vegetarian tacos for us because he is a vegetarian.  I obviously still eat meat, but I love the soy crumbles so much.  I can't tell that it isn't meat.  Also tacos are the only thing that I can make without needing the recipe anymore.  The best part is that he enjoyed it.  I have no leftovers.  We tried to watch Peter Pan Live, but were way too horrified.  So we went back to SVU.  We also came up with a crash course of all the things we need to get done while working an average of a 44 hour week so that he can move in.  Thank goodness that I got that huge collapsible duffel bag last week.

The day ended with a cup of tea.  It was a completely ordinary perfect day.  The day where nothing bad happens.  The day everybody lives.  I have only had 2 other days like this.  One was with Rose and the other was because I found suede trousers that fit.  Sometimes, very seldom, there are perfect days.