It Could Have Been Me

I found out that I man I graduated high school with had passed away.  It's sad, but what makes it worse is that he took his own life.  I hadn't spoken to this man in over 10 years, but he lived a few streets and when we were little we would ride bikes together.  Biking is something that he apparently loved.  It's very sad that his life is over.

I know how he felt because I've been there.  It could have been me.  I've been through very dark times because of depression.  When suicidal thoughts creep in, there is no logic to them.  Mental illness lies to you and makes you believe that everyone in your life, everyone who matters to you, will be better off without you.  The world is better off without you.  While in that lie because it's so powerful, it's hard to see the truth. 

Statistically, women attempt suicide more than men, but men are more successful because they use more aggressive means (guns, knives, etc.).  The end result is the same...desperate sadness for everyone involved.  While there is life there is hope, yet most depression is marked by hopelessness.  I lucked out because I have friends who understand that what I'm saying is my illness, not me.  A lot of them point me to people or things that can help.  There are resources that are there.  However, if someone doesn't reach out for those resources, they cannot work.

Suicide is 100% preventable.  The one thing I have learned is that change is the only constant thing in life.  If you can come out of the darkness, there is life that can be good.  It's hard to see that in the darkness.  Those of us who live with a mental illness, do need others to recognize the signs.  One major sign is withdrawal.  If you haven't heard from someone in a few months, reach out.  Call rather than text or e-mail.  A human voice can make all the difference in the world.

I don't want to make this young man's death about me.  I wanted to say that I understand and I'm sorry that he couldn't make it.  It's no one's fault.  I am writing an article on how to support a friend with depression, but it's a slow going process.  I can't say that I am an expert in supporting people, but it's the little things that can help.  On my worst days, I wish I wasn't here.  So yes, this could have been me, but it's not.  The worst part of suicide aside from the inevitable question of why, is the loss of what could have been.

If you or someone you know is struggling call the Suicide Prevention Hotline or the police.  It doesn't have to end.  There is treatment.  There is help.  There is hope.