I know that the depression can always come back. I have better coping tools now such as this blog, but I know that it can come back. Am I back to the way I was before Doomsday? Not quite, but one day I can be. I've learned a lot while working at the bank. The first is that most people haven't personally encountered someone like me. At least they hadn't there. They thought depression would last a few weeks at most. For the lucky ones it does. Not so for me. Mine lasted 18 months to varying degrees. It lifted the day I got fired because it was my job that was causing the depression for the most part.
I know that there will always be discrimination while ignorance is the way of the world. I bring hope through education. The worst part of what I have to do going forward is hide what I am for a time. I am going to try to be light, which is not what I am really. I just don't think that I can open myself up to someone like I did with him because work got involved. I have scars to demonstrate the damaged that it caused. Luckily, the scars are faint so only I can see them.
The last act in the horrendous chapter that was banking with be over on Wednesday with the unemployment appeal. Until then, my stomach is churning. Part of it is from putting all that mess behind me and part of it is starting my new job tomorrow and I'm excited about a new opportunity. I think I am nomadic in that way because I like to try everything. That may look bad to an employer, but there is so much to know.
I have hope that I will be able to live the life that I want to live. I want to be able to be happy and express myself without being judged. Maybe he was right when he said that I haven't found the right people. Perhaps it's just Connecticut. I think it might be time in a few years to wander to a new location since there won't be anything tying me here very much longer. Even most of my friends want to move out of this infernal state with it's high costs.
Hope is what keeps me alive...keeps me moving forward.
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