The Scale and the Mirror

The battle that I'm currently fighting is between the scale and the mirror. I don't like what I see in either of them.   I'm fighting my weight and it's always a constant battle. It's so easy to eat junk food and soda (my biggest temptation).  My diet calls for a lot of whole grains, fruits and vegetables.  I am also not in the habit of exercising.  I'm working on all these things, however, it's a major difficulty.

My major obstacle is time.  I'm supposed to be exercising a minimum of 30 minutes a day.  With my rotating schedule and long days, sometimes that is a challenge.  I am on my feet at work quite a lot, but I also eat chips or chocolate for quick bursts of energy.  Maybe I should bring carrots instead.

The reason why I started the weight loss program at work is because I was sitting in my allergist's office waiting to talk to him, he is adorable by the way, and I saw myself in the mirror and I hated what I saw.  I am at my heaviest ever (236 lbs.) and I just don't feel great about myself.  Part of it is poor diet and lack of exercise, but part of it is overcoming the stress from evil bank.  I am high obese on the body max index scale.  My ideal weight is 175, but I doubt that I will get there anytime soon.  I did weight that once.  The closest I've come to it was when I lived in England as I was 184lbs.  I was still heavy, but I felt so great.  It was easier over there because I walked everywhere and went to the gym 2-3 times a week.  Now, it takes work to exercise.  The bottom line is that I don't like myself when I look in the mirror.

Then there is the scale.  I know that it's just numbers, but it's hard seeing those numbers when someone who was thin would complain about 5 pounds.  5 pounds is equivalent to one of my breasts.  I would literally kill to be 125 pounds. The other problem is the Hashimoto's.  Yes, I can lose the weight, but it's a lot harder for me.  I also don't know what my thyroid levels are at the moment.

The only good thing is that I feel more energetic for the most part.  I just don't like the scale or the mirror at all.  I can't believe I let myself get this way.