The Hard Part

Eventually, you move on.  You find other people to fill your life with, but it's not the same.  It's never the same.  I don't have a person yet who I talk to all day long and they talk to me.  Yes, I have friends, but this person wasn't my boyfriend.  He was more like my mentor or protector. 

It's the Fall that is hard for me, especially the warm days because I remember the hug.  I remember his smile.  There are days that I am happy, but when I'm home by myself after an 11 hour day, I feel the void.  That's the hard part.  I still haven't quite figured out how to fill the void.

I am moving on.  I'm selling my shoes.  They remind me of Rose because he loved shoes.  It was probably a fetish, but I also no longer have a place or reason to wear them.  I can't wear heels in the pharmacy on an 11 hour shift.  My feet hurt after wearing sneakers or clogs.  Whatever money I get off of them will go towards bills. 

I still have a lot of medical bills and bills in general, which is dragging.  The good thing is that I'm caught up on the things that I need.  Next purchase is a bra since one of mine lost the underwire. I might wait till the post holiday sales to get that.  There might also be some gift cards from my birthday.  I also have to look for a new car or a lease.

I don't have anyone to talk about this things with other than my parents who live in a different country.  Rose would know what to do, at least when it came to me.  I just don't know how to fix the loneliness.