Changes

All these changes are still making me sad. 

I had a fight with my mom a few days ago because she said I was using my depression as an excuse to not help with the move.  It was just really difficult for me.  My childhood home is gone.  I mean the last few years there were not great, but it was my home base.

I'm trying to get used to being clean and having a smaller space.  My bedroom is bigger than my old one though.  I am still lonely.  I had my friend Casey come by for a few hours.  I know that he is lonely too.  He doesn't have many friends and I think it was beneficial for both of us to just spend time with each other. 

I went to therapy today and we discussed the move.  My therapist said that anxiety will kick up during a move and it's worse for people that have an anxiety disorder like I do.  It's made worse by the amount of things that are still left to go through and sort out.  I have to keep reminding myself to go through 1 box a day and should have most things done by the end of June.  I do want to have a house warming party at the end of June.

I'm going to a race tomorrow with my dad.  I know it's going to be one of the last things that we do together because my parents are moving out of the country in September.  I'm looking forward to it, but it is a little sad.

I am hoping that things will get better in time.  I feel a bit out of control.  I need to find the balance between responsibility and fun.  I'm going to try to tutor to make some extra money.  Being busy might lessen my loneliness. The loneliness usually hits around 10 pm because I realize that he's not there.  Yet everything reminds me of him. 

It's exhausting going through this change.  I just have to do it in bite sized chunks.  I will get there eventually.  I'm trying, which is all that I can do.