Lonely

I have finished moving everything out of the house and now my apartment looks like a bomb hit it.  I think I have 6 lamps.  I think that may be a bit too many.  There is one that I will be getting rid of.  I look at everything I have and I get sad.  It's just too much stuff.

I used to have someone to talk to all the time, now, I'm back inside my own head.  I'm trying to write more in my journal and on here.  I am also trying to explore my new town.  I had Ming Garden Chinese take out today.  I had curry chicken, which turns out to be my favorite because this is the only one I've tried that doesn't have mushrooms.  It's also quite close... about a 10 minute walk.

I still feel very different from everyone else, which is something that I've been struggling with forever.  I don't know if it's my intelligence or my ESP or something else, but I am different.  Maybe I am just a time lord who is stuck. 

I think I will be less stressed when I start to settle in a bit more.  All the things for a tag sale are going to be staying in a car because we don't have room to store them in an apartment. I also need a bookshelf.  Anything that looks like it belongs in Hampton Court Palace would work for me.  I want to pretend to have a palace even though I can't afford it.

I swear my mom has a ton more stuff than I do.  There are just piles everywhere.  I'm hoping to at least have my closet done tomorrow.  It would be nice to finish something in this crazy place.  I feel like it's a hotel and not the apartment I rent.  I still worry about how I'm going to pay for it.  I will probably need to get a little part time job where I only work 15 hours or less a week.  Maybe I'll tutor.

I miss having someone to talk to about my life.  I know that most of my life is boring, but it was nice having someone that cared.  I liked caring about someone too.  Maybe I'm meant to be lonely, so that I can care more.  Compassion is a gift, but at times, it's isolating because no one can give as much as me.