I Wish Jamie was My Friend

I finished reading Jamie Tworkowski's book, If You Feel Too Much, a couple of weeks ago and I completely loved it.  Jamie is the founder of TWLOHA (To Write Love on Her Arms), which is mental health nonprofit.  You can visit their website, www.twloha.com to find out more about them.  I bought the book because his post, "There is Still Some Time," which is probably one of the most meaningful things I have ever read (read it here).  It was posted on the day that Robin Williams took his own life, which shocked everyone.  It was a great post and reflected all that I had felt from the last year and a half, but it wasn't till after I finished the entire book that I wished that Jamie was my friend.

I hadn't heard of TWLOHA until a coworker from several years ago noticed I was struggling with my own depression and at that time I didn't know what was causing it.  It was mild, but my self injury was bad.  I was basically a mess.  One day, she told me that she had what I needed, she took off her pink TWLOHA rubber bracelet and put it on my wrist.  She told me she'd get another one in blue, but to wear the pink one until she got the other one.  I still have the blue rubber bracelet and wear it when I need extra strength when I'm feeling low.  I think that's the best gift, was letting me know that I wasn't alone.  I have used TWOLHA site to find help, encouragement and information when I needed it.

You can learn a lot about a writer from their style and what they right about.  I think it's brave of Jamie to show that he struggles with depression.  I noticed throughout the book he uses I in lowercase and consistently does so.  If I was a trained psychologist, I could draw some conclusions, but I won't.  The thing that came across in the book is that Jamie is not a saint, he struggles, has lost friends, fought with friends and got them back, mostly Jamie is human and it's OK to be human. 

I'll probably never meet Jamie and if I did, I don't think he would notice me.  I don't catch anyone's eye, I'm not beautiful or thin or have a great smile.  I'm funny, a hard worker and unique, but I don't think I stand out.  Not in the way that would make someone brave like he described while meeting Dree Hemingway.  The only thing that we probably have in common is the desire to help people with mental health issues get better.

However, I do wish Jamie was my friend because he probably understands the ups and downs of life and would be the person to tell me that it's OK to have a broken heart.  Other people think I should have moved on already, but there is something missing now that I can't describe.  I'm rebuilding my life, but it's quite a lonely process.  Maybe I just want someone to talk to.

I learned a lot about Jamie and TWLOHA from his book and I wish he was my friend.