Shame

I'm feeling a lot of shame about my money problems, but don't like asking for help.  I have a lot of debt hanging over me and my paycheck really only covers my bills.  It's so bad this month that I couldn't buy food. 

The only good thing about the food is that I have kind of prepared for this.  My parents bought me frozen and canned food just so that I would have a back up.  I have bought things along the way as well.  I may end up on a diet of soup, rice and tea, but I have food to eat in the meantime.  The good thing about my job is that if there is left over food from the meetings, the rest of the staff can eat the left overs.  Also, one of the pharmacists brings dinner for her closing staff, so I eat that way occasionally.  So basically, I won't starve.

The worst part is that I don't have the money to go out with my friends.  The reason why it's killing me because I need people to be around.  My roommate is usually in his room and I only see him if he needs to eat or when he gets home from work.  I can't go to the Renaissance Fair this year because I can't afford it.  I can't go out to dinner because it's too much money and I don't want my friends to keep paying for me. 

I have been doing extra tutoring so that I get a bit of extra income.  I can't ask my parents for money because they are on a fixed income and have to pay for some stuff with my brother's wedding.  My brother gave me money for Hanukkah, which helped because it paid for a car repair.  I'm going to start trying to get nationally certified as a pharmacy technician, so that I can make extra money.

It's getting to the point where I may ask my friends for my 30th birthday to get me things that I need or gift cards for things that I need.  I'm going to need foundation this year and probably grocery store gift cards.  I will also need a new pair of shoes for work.  I would also appreciate something to take care of myself like an eyebrow wax or a mani-pedi.

Being an adult is not fun.