Forward and Backwards

Every time I make a little progress there is a setback.  My major issues for overcoming depression is finances and socialization.  Finances stress everything and due to the fact that most social activities cost some money, I miss out on seeing people.  Yes, I know that there are free things to do, but the truth is I feel like I have more debt than my friends.

I miss my friends and I miss Rose.  Rose, not because we got to see each other, but because I had someone that I could talk to about anything and everything and he actually listened.  I cared about him too and above all things I wanted to help him.  It was mutual support.  With a lot of my other friends it's either the distance or the schedules.  I do have friends that live in other countries, which makes talking on a regular basis difficult.  Having a retail schedule has some drawbacks.  I've been trying to get together with Brianna for weeks, but I'm working when she's off or vice versa.  I don't even have parties anymore because of the schedule and expense.

I am having a jewelry party later this month because I've always wanted a Swarovski piece since I was little.  There was a pin of a little red dress that I bid on when I was probably in high school, but didn't win it obviously. It's also used a lot in films and we all know how much I love movies.   I am not spending a lot on food or drink because I have things for it already.  I am not aiming to spend anything on the jewelry either.  I just want to expand my circle of friends and look at pretty things.  I had to cancel once already, so hopefully, I can make this one successful.  If you can't make it, you can still order...the holidays are not far away.  I do hope to see people there even if you can't buy anything.

As for finances, it's still a struggle.  I'm not working as many hours because it's summer and we slow down a bit because apparently everyone in Ridgefield is away for most of the summer....lucky them.  This is why I work every holiday.  My student loans will be paid off eventually.  The bigger problem is my credit cards and now I got a ticket for speeding.  I'm going to contest it because I can't afford to pay $190 to the state, who then spend it on stupid crap anyway.  I pay my bills, but don't have money for much else. 

I'm doing a fitness challenge through work so that I can get gift cards for things that I will need like make up and dress pants.  I'm hoping that I get this new position just for the significant pay raise it brings.  I don't think anyone knows how lonely it is to be poor.  I mean I'm lucky that I can pay my bills and rent, but there is more that I need aside from a roof over my head and food.  I need my friends.