The Bad Days

I don't have bad days very often anymore, but when I do they are heinous and recovery from them takes about 4 days.  The reason why I had a bad was because I ran out of medication and hadn't taken them for a few days, which makes me more susceptible to triggers like loneliness. 

The bad day was caused because I spend too much time alone.  I spent my entire day off cleaning my apartment and watching netflix, yet can't remember the last time I spent time with my friends.  I know I haven't seen Brianna in over a month.  The last time I saw Jill was in May.  I know it's harder to spend time with friends as we get older because we have more responsibilities, but I also think that's why mental illness rates are so high (1 in 4 according to NAMI).  Humans were not designed to be so isolated. While I didn't spend a lot of physical time with Rose, he was always there. He made me less lonely and I miss that. Spending time alone is fine, but too much alone time is detrimental especially for depression.  If we were meant to be completely alone, we would have no social programming in our DNA.  Luckily a co-worker took me to the aquarium so I could pet the sharks and take pictures.  The butterfly ones are gorgeous. 

Irritability is one of my main symptoms, which is not typical for females.  It's silly things that make me upset like when people "help" my station when they should be doing their own work.  Sometimes the patients irritate me by asking about coupons at pick up or where something non-pharmacy related is in the store.  I really think that I need a vacation that is more than 4 days, which won't happen till 2016.

As for the medication, it costs me $75ish dollars every 3 months for my anti-depressants because my insurance will only pay or a 90 day supply and it is brand only.  However, my other life-saving/ preventative meds are  either $0 copay or under $10.  I can't wait for the day that this medication goes generic so it doesn't cost me so much.  Without it I still get the irritability and sometimes the fatigue.  The methylfolate helps with the fatigue but not with other symptoms.  I also have a low tolerance for people that are less intelligent than me, which is many humans.

I read an article today about Robin Williams' suicide, which happened about a year ago.  It was a beautiful article about how suicide can be prevented, but the idiot who commented on it said that they would kill themselves too if they had a chronic or terminal illness.  That was so ignorant that it made me sick.  Asthma is a chronic illness, as are diabetes, depression, bipolar disorder, hypothyroidism and parkinsons.  They can all be managed and yes, they can all kill people if left untreated.  Pharmaceuticals exist to help people.  In a capitalistic society like ours there is a profit to be made for life saving medications.  It sucks, but that is reality.  I got sick because on the list above, I have 3 of those chronic conditions and suicide is not the solution to those problems.  I have a lot of give, but episode recovery takes me 4 days.  I still hate year 3.