Sitting Alone

I don't mind sitting alone sometimes.  I go to services and sit by myself since my family has moved to Israel.  Sometimes it's more peaceful that way.  I eat alone at restaurants sometimes as well.  I don't always have someone to go with and that's fine.  Tonight though I was peaceful and yet a little sad.

My Rabbi, Solomon Acrish, who has been my rabbi for my entire life, passed away from cancer in May.  Sometimes, it doesn't seem like he's really gone until you get reminded of it.  I was at services tonight because I was one of the hostesses for the oneg (after service goodies).  After all the events of these past weeks with police brutality and the sniper attack in Dallas, etc., I was thinking about the sermon that my rabbi might have given. 

Rabbi had given many sermons over the years.  No, I don't remember all of them and I probably fell asleep during a few as I was a child, but I remember the way he said them.  He had so much passion.  Rabbi Acrish was an assistant rabbi in Alabama during the civil rights movement and he is mentioned by name in archives.  The synagogue he served at did receive bomb threats during that time.  I was wondering what his take on all this would have been.  I'm sure he would have been upset with the loss of life, but he would have delivered a powerful message as he usually did.  I'm sure it would be along the lines that life matters.  Before people jump on that, Rabbi Acrish was born in Morocco and had a unique view on the world.

At the end of the service we say a prayer for those who have passed.  When Rabbi's name was read I teared up because I miss him.  There are people that I will always miss.  Rabbi Acrish will always be one of them.  I miss the way he always said my name.  I know that I'm weird and I wasn't as close to him as some of his "children" were, but he mattered.  I think he was always happy to see me.

Things are going to be different at my temple now.  We lost our spiritual leader of 50 years.  It's never going to be the same.  I am volunteering more at the temple because it's my home.  I am not particularly religious, but I go there for the social aspect and to feel comfortable. 

At the end of the day I don't mind sitting alone because I'm not really alone.  I have memories and a great imagination.  I might miss the people that are gone, but I have mental conversations with them and that's good enough for me.