Grief

For me, the cycle of depression is like the 5 stages of grief.  Yes, I do realize that depression is one of the stages of grief, but there is a parallel nonetheless.  Depression is the hollowness of grief.  Grief is the trigger.  What am I grieving over?   Maybe it's the loss of self-esteem or maybe the loss of a friend or maybe the loss of hope for a career.

I think coming out of depression follows stages of grief.  The stages are not necessarily done in order either.  You can go to denial to depression to anger then back to denial.  For me, depression stages are: wretchedness, sadness, blah, acceptance and recovery.  I keep bouncing between sadness, blah and acceptance.  I went back to the blah stage.

Then there is the crazy, which is part of my conditions.  It's mostly low self-esteem that is the madness that rules my thoughts.  I think it was always there and it makes me doubt myself, which then leads to the sadness.

Forgive the randomness of my thoughts today.  My mind is spinning due to impending events and fatigue.  I just wanted to write something today.  I'm also into Dr. Who Memes at the moment so have a preview for Tuesday.