Loneliness

Being lonely is my main trigger for depression, anxiety and cutting.  I can be in a room full of people and still feel completely alone.  Does anyone else feel this way?  Feeling that no one in the world can comprehend the pain or the emptiness that consumes the heart and soul?

For some reason, it's rare that I make a connection with people.  I am the stranger that people like to be around, but never know completely.  I'm an enigma, a quandary....like a unicorn.  The thing that everyone wants, but no one can truly touch. 

When I do form a connection to someone it is very difficult to break.  Though I love my parents, I don't really relate to them well.  All my close friends bring out something different in me so that I am a different person to every single one of them.  With him, I felt whole because he accepted every different part of me.  I still feel that loss, the unending loneliness.

That's why I decided to fight the bully that caused this loss.  My friend told me once that bullies need to be stood up to.  Since I cannot stand up to her directly, I will go to someone who will believe me and will hopefully, do the right thing.  I may fight this tyranny alone because everyone else will just run away,  Fighting and staying alive and getting better are all isolating processes. 

I fight for myself.  I fight for you.  Even though I'm lonely and it brings me down, I will keep fighting for hope.  To end the discrimination that our conditions have caused.  I will fight to heal what the conditions have broken.  I will wage war in the name of hope.  One day the loneliness will end and I will feel complete.  Until that day, I am the warrior.  We all matter.