Brilliant, Yet Troubled

Those are the words that have been used to describe me from my friend, Jen.  Brilliant, yet troubled.  It has been stated that those with higher intelligence are 3 times more likely to develop depression because of the amount of work that the brain does.  Basically the intelligent over think and their thoughts make them too sad.  The pain was triggered and  now we cannot turn it off.

I have always been intelligent.  I did well in school, but I was always odd.  I didn't really belong or have many friends.  I've lived on the fringes of every clique.  My best friends were the ones that I invented or felt at least until I got to high school.  While I had friends and a wonderful mentor, I was still in the darkness.  I was in the isolation of my own hell.  I didn't necessarily make myself sad as I have an autoimmune disease where depression is a major symptom, but there was very little light in my life.  I did my best to express myself through my writing.  I wrote poetry back then and not all of it was good.

I have also written plays and have numerous story ideas as well as research for articles.  I also write this blog.  I am quite impressive when not plagued by low self-esteem and self-doubt.  I know a lot about history, music and film.  I am still writing and trying to share my brilliance with the world, but it is difficult.

If we look at some of the most talented painters, writers, singers and actors ever, you will find pain.  We are all troubled either by our own devices.  We put the contents of our tormented lives into some type of beauty.  Maybe the troubled try harder to get to a place of being better.  Maybe we see things in a different way.  Maybe we are just crazy.

I have so much talent and so much intelligence, yet I feel like I'm stuck at the bottom of a ravine with no hope of rising again.  I have good days, bright days and days where I am happy.  However, the ravenous darkness lives inside me waging a war to control my world.  I take that pain and share it with you in the hope that it helps in some way to show that you are not alone.  Brilliant, yet troubled.