That Smile

Have you ever seen someone whose smile stopped you in your tracks and completely disarmed you?  Have you ever known that that smile was meant for you?  I received that smile once and I miss seeing it.  It's just a memory now.

A smile that beautiful was part of my pile of good things.  That was something that was so important for me and I miss meaning something to someone.  I know that my friends and my family care about me and I value that, however that smile awoke something in me.  I've just been remembering him a lot.

I am going on a wondrous vacation this week with my best friend, which I'm looking forward to because I'm carrying on.   But there are times when I wish I could tell him just how much better I'm doing.  I want to tell him that I still care for him.  I did so much for him when he asked, but when I needed everyone's support, he left.  That still stings, which brings up my anger.

I can understand why people leave, but I'm a giver.  It is my nature either as a person or as an empathic to help people.  I want to make people feel better because no one deserves the pain that I went through.  It's just disappointing when I did not receive the same in return.  He's not the only one that left or became distant, but I feel his loss a bit more keenly than the others.  I just have to remember that not everyone is like me.  Not everyone is brave.  Not everyone can stare through the face of pain.  Not everyone can give back.

I miss all these people and it hurts, but I carry on the best I can.  That is why I take classes as well as write this blog.  I hope that one day I will see that smile again from somebody.  I hope we all find that smile.