Stings

Loneliness stings more than words can tell.  I always feel like I don't belong anywhere or with anyone.  My sense of belonging was shattered.  The pain of loneliness isn't like a bee sting, it's more like a lashing that throbs for a very long time.

My therapist says that I want a relationship.  I want a companion not a romantic one, I just want someone that I can tell everything to and feel a connection with.  I thought that I had someone that could be my companion, but I believe that fear in some way got the best of him.

I'm doing the best that I can alone.  I have some terrific friends, but nothing as distracting or as satisfying as a companion.  I cried in my car today because the loneliness hurt so much.  It's all a memory and it's all I have to hold onto for the moment.

I joined meetup.com to have something to do and maybe meet some interesting people.  Due to scheduling conflicts and my natural shyness, I haven't gone to any yet, but I want to.  I joined 4 groups, one is for writing, one is spritualtea and another is for women having fun.  I hope that it will help staunch the wounds that loneliness has inflicted upon me.

Maybe I just want to feel that someone cares again.