Striving is something that we all must do to heal ourselves. We must reach out beyond ourselves to a goal to get better. Mine is writing this blog, creating a non-profit and trying to achieve my dreams. I strive as much as I can everyday. Achieving dreams is what makes life better, ergo striving makes life better.
Eventually, I want to thrive. The more I strive, I may eventually thrive. It's difficult for me manage my illness. I don't want my life to be about just managing my depression. I want to be alive again. That is why I continually make goals in order to be more than just my illness. I have 11 left on my list to finish by the beginning of March. That is me striving.
The reason why I put striving makes life better was because that was the first kind thing he said to me since he left. To me, that meant that he never really stopped caring. The word "strive" is etched on my heart. It's a motivation to keep going even though I want to give up. I keep going because of that word even when I doubt that life is worth living.
I may sound pathetically in love with him, but I don't know what love is really. I am striving towards a place where I will be able to feel again. I have been depressed on and off for 15 years. It has gone from severe to mild to remission and back again. Depression robbed me of many of my emotions. I could feel his care for me and I care for him and that meant more to me for those nine months than my MA or promotions or being an adult. I saw the possibility that I could be a person again. That is why I hold the word strive in my heart forever.
Striving makes life better because as of right now, that is all I have.
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