Questioning

I've been questioning myself a lot lately.  I'm not sure if it's from the season glumness or that I'm just passively giving up due to laziness.  I am still slacking on my wellness plan in order to accomplish other things.  I don't believe that I am back in the correct mindspace.

Winter does have its perks like a new season of Sherlock and fires in the fireplace.  Other than that I am in pain because of my thyroid.  Resting isn't even restful to me.  I think I just need time to slow down and finish those things that are the most necessary.  I will finish my current set of CFT courses before I take anymore. 

I am still working on Pile of Good Things, but I am going to take that really slow too.  I have a lot of legal things to do first like establish articles of incorporation.  I also need to develop the programs for the employee referrals as well as the educational training for employers.  I also need to find people to serve on the board.  It's not easy work fighting an egregious injustice.

I am not doing a good job of taking care of myself.  I know that my mother thinks the cure to everything is having a boyfriend.  If I can't handle myself, how can I handle anyone else's crap?  I am just in a mode that isn't like anyone else.  I do not want any type of relationship beyond friendship.

My job is in a state of flux too.  Sometimes I wish that my real life was the dream and my dream life was real.  My dream life is full of goodness and impossible possibilities.  In the real world, I am limited by my surroundings and my own limitations.  The truth is that I'm sick.  I'm not heroic or pretty or noble.  I'm just someone that doesn't belong anywhere anymore.

I think right now, I'm just exhausted and lost.