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Thursday, January 30, 2014

Review or 200th post

This is the 200th post on my blog.  I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  It's good to have an outlet like this because that way it's not constantly running around in my mind.  I would like to say that I'm doing better, but it's still progressing in stages.  I'm not back to who I was before the incident. 

Work is still a bit stressful because of all the staff changes.  I'm probably burning out.  I miss him everyday.  He's gone back to being quiet, well kind of.  I think a lot of people misunderstand what I am.  My gender is both and neither while my sexuality is omni and a at the same time.  It gets a little confusing.  I'm not sure if I've ever been in love with someone.  I know that he calmed me and balanced me out so that for a moment, I could have been a functioning human being.

I think I've been a drain on all of my friends.  It might not get any different in the future.  I'm still looking for an apartment, but trying to pay off some debts.  Therefore I do not have money for a deposit.  I might have to get a roommate, but I kind of don't want one.  I'm not an easy person to live with. 

I enjoy writing in this blog because it helps me reflect and tell stories.  We're all stories in the end.   I will continue writing because it's the one thing that makes my life bearable.  My life will never be easy.  I know that with Hashimoto's, depression will always be lurking just out of view.  I'm not fully alive.  I live in some kind of twilight state where time is confusing.  Maybe I am a Time Lord.

I have found out the not everything is black and white.  You can still have feelings for people, but can't make them stay.  I found the Doctor.  I'm trying to get back on track and it may take a long time.

I'll post the end of the Good Things Campaign tomorrow.

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