Heartbreak

Heartbreak is one of the hardest things to overcome.  Depression has ruined a lot of my relationships and totally took me away.  JK Rowling described the feeling of depression very well when she describes a dementor attack.  There really is no happiness in the world for the sufferer of depression and adding heartbreak to the mix is almost debilitating.

I have begun to mend some of the relationships that took a hit during my unstable phase and it's going well, but I still miss him.  When he left it was at the point where I thought we were working things out.  It just breaks my heart into pieces that a person that was there everyday barely says a word.  He may still be upset with me, but I thought we were trying.

I know that it sounds like I'm a sad co-dependent wuss, but I really did care for this guy and we were supporting each other.  That was taken away from me.  Part of it is my fault and part is that events from one day were blown out of proportion.  I'm tired of people saying that he was bad for me because having that support form someone that understands is never bad. 

Medication doesn't numb one from these feelings.  It doesn't stop the sadness or make one happy.  It just makes things livable.  My heart is broken either way and I feel like a shadow of myself.  A counselor said that it would be up and down for a while.  I just never thought that this would happen.

Time is supposed to heal all wounds and I hope that is true.  My optimistic hope is that he will forgive me and we can be friends again.  My pessimistic one is that I won't hurt anymore.  The worst part is that a broken heart rarely kills a person.  The reality is that we are never the same after the heart is broken.  It can mend, but it will never be the same.