Improvements and Issues

I'm beginning to notice improvements, but there are still lingering issues that are haunting me.  Since I want to leave on a positive note if I can, I'll leave the improvements for last.  I am better, but far from whole.  This is the first time that I've been able to see that I am better.


I still have issues that are lingering.  I am tired all the time and I'm not sure if it's the depression or allergies or a combination of both.  It's still difficult for me to get up and out of bed in the morning.  I don't get restful sleep and then my muscles are tired.  I also have body image issues stemming from low self esteem.

While I have lost weight, I say that I've gone from fat to looking slightly pregnant.  I say that because depression destroyed my body without me even realizing it.  I keep comparing myself to other girls who are thin and get male attention.  This makes me feel less about myself.  The other issue I'm having is adult acne.  I get very big oily ones and even though I switched facial scrubs they keep coming up.  That makes me feel ugly.  It's not just on my face either...ugh.

My concentration and focus is also lagging behind.  I keep having difficulties with my speech and what I am doing at the moment.  I take online courses and get bored and just skim through them.  I worry that I will not do well during my upcoming trainings because of this focus issue.

Now for the improvements I've noticed.  My mood has been slightly elevated.  Yes, some days are difficult but in general on a scale of 1 to 10, the lowest I've been is a 4.  The highest is a 6.  I'm getting stable, which is definitely a great thing.  With the improved mood other things have followed.

I have started to sing and dance again.  When depression hits, there is no joy, there is just nothingness.  My voice and my body are both still.  There can be no elation when there is just emptiness.  I am starting to feel like myself again.  My charisma has started to return and that attracts people to me.

My motivation has started to return and the wellness plan has helped with that.  Writing this blog everyday keeps me motivated to improve and inspire.  The exercising daily helps me slim down and keep the neurotransmitters up.  I am motivated to get better.  It's turning into a want to thing instead of a have to thing.

There are still things that I want to improve on such as being a better friend, but for now there are improvements and we have to focus on the good.